Someone once called me “selfish” for not wanting to have kids. Now that I’m married, the topic comes up regularly, and my utter disinterest in bearing children seems to be offensive to a surprising number of people. It’s almost as if they view Corey’s and my very personal decision to be a criticism of their desires.
And of course, everyone wants to know why. Why not? Do you just want to focus on your career? (I do value my work, but no.) Are you one of the those people who hate children? (Also: no.)
Over the years, I’ve offered a variety of responses, but the real answer is actually rather simple: I’ve just never wanted to be a parent. I don’t think it would be fair to actively try and bring a kid into the world without wanting the whole package; parenthood is no small feat, as I’ve gotten to witness first-hand from my mother having to raise my sister and me.
The inevitable follow-up to the kids question is something along the lines of: how does Corey feel about this? Which makes me a little sad, because I think of the couples out there that have opposing stances who keep hoping that the other will change his/her mind. Luckily, Corey and I are both on the same page here.
Going back to the selfish comment, that kind of attitude is baffling to me. Why is it selfish to choose not having children since you don’t want any, but not selfish to force people into the parental role?
Tagged: personal
- Published:
- April 22, 2012 – 12:07am
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2011 certainly was a momentous year, one that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to match again, though that isn’t necessarily a bad thing (usually, changes in relationship status, residency — legal and physical locale — and career all at once won’t all go in the positive direction!). I didn’t photograph nearly as much of it as I would’ve liked, but looking back through my archives, the key events were at least captured in one way or another.
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- December 31, 2011 – 9:09pm
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Note: this post is not directed at any single company in particular, but was inspired by a few recent experiences that I’m considering outliers.
Interviewing is a bit similar to public speaking — not everyone is well suited to the task and some attempts only make you cringe. Having been both the interviewer and the interviewee, I’ve heard a lot of complaints about potential candidates, but there doesn’t seem to be as much scrutiny upon the interviewers themselves. So now I’ve gotten onto my tiny soapbox to suggest a few pitfalls to avoid:
- Not being prepared: I don’t expect for a company to memorize my resume or even necessarily remember my name at the time I go in. Recently though, my sole interviewer wasn’t even sure what position I was applying for. There was also the awkward instance in which an interviewer stared blankly at me, clearly at a loss for things to ask, even though we’d been scheduled to chat for an hour.
- If you’re forgetful or nervous, come up with a small list of questions in advance and bring it with you. Don’t feel like you have to go through all of it; just have the list handy as a fallback and steal glances as needed.
- Being distracted: The hiring process can be grueling; you often have multiple people to go through and a limited amount of time to spare. Being inattentive and/or unfocused only hurts both sides, as you waste the applicant’s time and your own. The worst case I’ve encountered was when the company CEO continually rushed me through questions and kept calling me “Ella” even though I politely corrected him each time.
- Asking for a complete resume walkthrough: Or for design jobs, asking for a complete portfolio walkthrough. This is tedious for the interviewee and just comes off as being lazy — even if you didn’t have the chance to look through everything beforehand, you have the resume/portfolio link on hand to peruse at your own convenience. Instead, ask for a brief background summary and ask about favorite/most challenging projects.
- Forgetting the “sell”: While appropriate, a “business overview” spiel generally tends to be too dry to get me excited about potentially joining the company. On the other hand, genuine enthusiasm goes a long way and I love when employees tell me in their own words why the place is awesome.
- Not having personable interviewers: As you evaluate the candidate, he/she is doing the same thing to you. That means that you not only need interviewers who are knowledgeable about the position, but ones who can positively convey the company culture. It’s utterly disappointing for me to enter an interview excited about the product and exit feeling let down by the team/environment.
There’s a large chance I’m merely preaching to the choir here; by no measure do I consider my own interviewing style to be remotely close to perfect. If any of these are part of your regular process, however, it’s probably time to reevaluate the approach.
Tagged: bad interviewers, interviewing
- Published:
- November 2, 2011 – 11:32pm
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Last Tuesday, after taking about two months’ worth of voice lessons, I tried out for NBC’s The Voice. In the past, my immigration status would’ve prevented me from even thinking about it, but it’s a year for new things, and I figured that even though my chances of making it were only marginally better than winning the lottery, the experience would be something to remember.
I rolled out of bed before dawn on the 23rd. Every registrant had a specified audition time, and I was lucky enough to draw 7am. By the time I arrived, there was already a line around the building that sectioned off, then wove around the parking lot. My fellow hopefuls and I quickly bonded over nerves, excitement, and feeling slightly like herded cattle. Announcers repeatedly informed us via bullhorn that once we got inside the conference center, we’d have 3-5 hours more to wait (though it turned out to be more like 2-3).
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Tagged: auditions, nbcthevoice, singing, thevoice
- Published:
- August 30, 2011 – 12:09am
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Recently, I deactivated my Facebook account. It wasn’t meant to be any sort of dramatic statement; I’ve simply grown tired of the site (including but not limited to: the content, the ever-changing UI and the arbitrary ways Facebook chooses to ignore or bypass privacy settings) and had been contemplating it for awhile.
Oddly enough, some Facebook friends reacted strongly to my decision. I received a few lengthy messages that closed with well wishes, giving me the impression that I was moving away forever or dying, rather than detaching myself from one online profile.
While I haven’t missed Facebook itself so far, I was surprised by a particular consequence of leaving. Due to the popularity of Facebook’s platform, I’m now either partially or completely blocked from interacting on sites that rely on it (i.e. Techcrunch uses its commenting system while Turntable only allows Facebook for logins). Admittedly, I’ve never been a heavy user of such websites, but that doesn’t mean I want the option automatically removed.
Facebook’s pervasiveness bothers me. I’d prefer that no online monopoly ever forms, given that no single social network will ever be able to appeal to everyone, even when you limit the definition of “everyone” to include only those who would be interested in social networking at all. I’m not sure what will eventually happen to social networks in the future, whether there will remain a number of disjointed services or one to rule them all, but in the meantime, I’ve stopped being a part of one that I just don’t like very much.
Tagged: facebook, first world problems, social networks
- Published:
- July 25, 2011 – 12:21am
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