A friend asked me awhile ago if I would rather be famous or rich. I responded that I’d rather just be well-liked. “But in order to be well-liked, don’t you have to be well-known?” he asked.
“Well, not necessarily. You can be well-liked by the few that know you,” I pointed out.
I started writing about being sick because I was scared. With so many emergency room visits, each one escalating in severity, I panicked. What if I didn’t make it through the next episode? Nobody had answers for me (and they still don’t). I wanted to leave something behind; I wanted people to know what had happened to me if they got curious. I needed to tell my story.
But now, the fear has settled and blogging so much about the situation feels almost embarrassing. When you wear your pain on your sleeve, does that cheapen the emotions? It may be a big part of my life, but I don’t want to let it overtake me.
Since I’ve been a bit more stable again lately and in the midst of winter break, I’ve had even more time to reflect and think. I’ve been trying to reexamine who I am and what I want, hence the recollection of an old conversation. Before all the chaos, I thought I had gotten to the point where I finally had everything laid out, but the thing about illness is that it strips you down to your very core, and I started floundering because I couldn’t remember anymore what my center consisted of.
These days, I often feel old, but I have to remember that I’m still just 21. I don’t want to watch life pass me by as the doctors half-heartedly work on a diagnosis. I may not be able to do as much as I used to, but I think it’s time to see just how much I’m capable of.
Hello 2008.
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This is an inspiring blog post that fills me with joy. I hope your post persuades people to reflect and think about who they are just like you’re doing. Cheers, and all the best!
Thanks for the birthday wishes
About your post.. I can see where you’re coming from. I don’t like admitting when I’m ill, or when I’m feeling vulnerable – wearing my heart on my sleeve as you say. However, I’m glad you did fill us all in like you did because it really did help give me a clue into what you’re going through, as have your other entries since.
So no, you shouldn’t let your problems overtake you, but you also should not have to pretend they don’t exist for the sake of anyone or anything.
Best wishes for 2008 Elea!
When you “wear your pain on your sleeve” as you put it, it doesn’t, and shouldn’t really cheapen the emotions. They’re still yours and they’re still real and there’s no part of it that seems cheap to me.
I don’t want to speak for everyone else, but it’s been hard watching this happen and not being able to do a damned thing about it. I have a feeling that I *can* speak for everyone else when I say if there was something any of us could do, we would. I’m not much for prayers, but I’m sending you good vibes anyway.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with wearing pain on your sleeve. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about talking about what you have been going through because it’s real and most people like real.
I just hope 2008 is a better year for you. I’m not one for praying either but you are in my thoughts.
I think everyone else has said it well. I, also, hope that 2008 is better for you. You’re so strong, Elea, I admire you so much
Rich or famous. I’d rather be neither. I don’t want to be bothered every time I go out, I prefer the freedom. I don’t find fame as glamorous as most ppl seem to think it is.
Regarding riches, I don’t want to be rich either. Just always have enough to survive, and live a comfortable life. I think having too much will make life dull, and in some cases corrupt.
As someone who constantly wears her heart on her sleeve, and considering the heartache I’ve been going through I would have to say that no – talking/blogging about it does no cheapen the emotions. You’re here to write about your life and right now your life is filled with pain. So write about it.
I agree with Jen: this is your weblog, and it is meant to be a reflection of your life. If currently you have to deal with a lot of pain, this is the ideal place for you to get it out. What else is a weblog for?
Secondly, I wish you the best in 2008 and I hope the doctors find a cure or whatever it is that is making you ill, very soon.